addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
