dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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