He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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