i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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