You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
