I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
