2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
