I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
