We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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