he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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