I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
