Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Girls should come with a carfax report
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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