Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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