Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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