i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
