You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
