for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
