I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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