How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
