Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
