Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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