Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
