I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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