I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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