First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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