4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
