just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
