So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
