i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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