Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
