i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
