Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We have so much sex to catch up on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
