there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
