She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
