Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
