Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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