Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize