If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
