so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
