i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
