i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
