i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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