So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
