Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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