That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
