im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
