Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
