How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
