he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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