He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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