If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
