ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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