i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
