Christians are straight up FREAKS
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
