i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Randomize
