You were right. It hurts to walk today.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
