tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
