nut hugger
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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