Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
