I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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