'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
