Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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