If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
