Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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