You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
