Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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