we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
