My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize