Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
