I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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