This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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