If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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