If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
