i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and she was petting her beer can
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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