Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
