Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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