THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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