I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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