she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
