Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
