My room smells like vodka and shame
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
