i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
