hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
