we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize